Single Moms Teaching Character

Make teaching character part of your everyday routine.

Teaching your kids about character qualities and God’s ways is both a necessity and a privilege as a mother. So often we focus on getting our kids into sports or better schools or feeding them good food, but we forget to teach character and values. Yet good character and values are what our kids need the most. Learning self-control, responsibility, honesty, and patience is what will help them to be successful in the long term. Teaching good character makes parenting easier when kids begin to take responsibility for themselves and their behavior.

Always remember these commands that I give you today. Be sure to teach them to your children. Talk about these commands when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road. Talk about them when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Research shows that kids who have self-control and grit (or persistence) are the kids who succeed in the long term. You might think it is hard to take on this sort of teaching and character development because you are already exhausted. The key is to make it part of your everyday routine. Instead of making it an add-on, make it part of your day-to-day "momming." Deuteronomy tells us to be intentional and use every opportunity to teach our kids—everywhere and always. We don’t need special circumstances or a formal sit down. Just make it part of our regular tasks and routines.

As with everything else in our parenting, ask God for help. He will give you the patience, insight, and wisdom to teach your kids. Don’t get hung up on the idea that you are not the best role model. Remember that you are exactly the mother your child(ren) need.

Here are some tips to help you get started.

• Identify and model good character. Love, faith, hope, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and honesty are the most important.

• Be intentional. Setting an example is important, but when you couple it with teaching, it is more powerful and impactful. For example, if you purchase something and receive too much change back, model honesty by returning the money and telling your kids why you did.

• Use every opportunity and circumstance to teach—meals, homework, play, chores, in the car, morning time, bedtime, bath time, and more. Put notes and signs up around your home.

• Talk to them (but don’t preach) about the importance of good character and what that looks like in multiple situations. Why is it important to obey? To be kind? To have self-control? To be patient? What does obedience look like?

• Catch them in the act and praise their good intentions and good character. Honor their efforts and their hearts.

• Use situations and examples to illustrate character. Nature is full of character illustrations such as ants working without being told, cats patiently waiting for a mouse, squirrels gathering food for the future, and eagles hunting persistently.

• Make learning into a game or use a story to illustrate.

• Help your kids to think and make choices. Ask them questions and truly listen. Good teaching is more often about asking good questions than giving answers.

• Use their misbehavior as an opportunity to teach and lead. Call out their good motives and gestures. Build on their strengths.

• Severely limit and counteract negative teaching that they get from other kids, TV, and social media. Negative inputs create negative outputs.

• Develop and communicate a family identity. For example: “Our family tells the truth,” or “We are a kind and fun-loving family.”

• Teach them songs and sing about character qualities and worship through music. Music is one of the most powerful ways to learn.

• Teach (by demonstration) to pray and go to God with everything.

• Ask their teachers to partner with you in the effort. Perhaps their class can also learn about character qualities.

• Confess and apologize to your kids when you make mistakes. If you lose your cool and are impatient, take time to calm down and tell your kids you are sorry.

• Use books, websites, and resources to find examples, illustrations, and games you can use to teach kids good character.