Becoming a Better Mom is Not a Self-Improvement Project

So, you yelled at your kids AGAIN! You want to do better, but sometimes your anger and frustration blow the cork off the bottle and onto your kids. 

Calm down, take a breath, and give yourself some grace. Being a better mom is not a do-it-alone, self-improvement project! Don't get me wrong— you should work to become the best mom and woman you can be, but you need others. You need to call for help and bring in reinforcements! 

The good news is that there is help! With God and wise friends, family, and mentors, you can grow and become more patient and loving with your kids. You don't have to repeat patterns and stay stuck.

First, Go to God

Begin your day with God, and you will start to experience the internal change that only God can create. Struggling to be a better mother without transforming your thoughts and beliefs is difficult. The starting point is to ask God for wisdom and help. James 1:5 says, "If you don't have all the wisdom needed for this journey, then all you have to do is ask God for it; and God will grant all that you need. He gives lavishly and never scolds you for asking."  

“The way we behave overwhelmingly flows from what we deeply believe.” –Beth Moore 

Self-help and personal improvement efforts help somewhat, but Holy Spirit transformation is key. Gaining wisdom, learning to be patient and kind, having self-control, and more are all part of the journey for a Christ-follower. The difference is that we do this with the power of the Holy Spirit and in community. This internal spiritual transformation changes who we are from the inside out by changing our thinking, beliefs, and attitudes. When our thinking and beliefs change, our behavior follows. Remember that God is always with you and will help you become a better mother. 

Find an Army to Help

Older, experienced people who care about your kids can help you through the ups and downs of solo parenting, so build a team around your family. Women who have raised kids can help you reframe situations and talk through tough issues. Many would be willing to pray with you and for you; you just need to ask. Not all advice is good, but you can spit out the bad and savor the good. 

Although I had no immediate family to help me, I found help from others and learned from wise and experienced people. My daycare provider taught me to ask helpful questions and set boundaries with my young children. My cousin coached me through some difficult issues and gently pointed out my role in conflicts with my son. Teachers and coaches provided insights into my kids that I overlooked. With resources from Connected Families, I learned the importance of being safe and putting the relationship with my kids first. I read books, asked people to pray with me, and listened to podcasts and sermons.

Becoming the mother you want to be is a process. Reach out to others for prayer, counsel, and coaching. Most importantly, remember that you are not alone. God is always with you and will help you in your parenting journey.